The British comedian and TV host Romesh Ranganathan has said that he used to “fantasise” about suicide and “came very close” to taking his own life.
In a moving interview, Ranganathan opened up losing a friend to suicide, which partly inspired him to start working with the charity Campaign Against Living Miserably, aka Calm, who he ran the London Marathon for in April.
The comic got news that his friend had died when he was making The Misadventures of Romesh Ranganathan in Ethiopia where he was off grid for 48 hours. The 46-year-old: “As we were driving back I got reception and my phone started blowing up. The first message read, ‘I can’t believe what’s happened.’ I thought, ‘Are they talking about someone else? Because it can’t be the man I know.’”
Ranganathan said that he felt like he’d let his friend down which compelled him to contact Calm but also for his own wellbeing. “On more than one occasion, I have felt suicidal,” the comedian told The Times.
He added “Somebody told me it was ideation. I used to fantasise about it. I’d be feeling so stressed out. The idea of those feelings disappearing felt tempting. The best way I can describe it is it felt like I was about to book a great holiday and I wouldn’t feel like this any more.”
The native of Crawley in West Sussex, who previously worked as a maths teacher, says that he first started getting suicidal thoughts as a teenager after his father was sent to prison for “some sort of fraud”.
This resulted in his mother sending her son to therapy, concerned that he was “mad” which only helped amplify the stereotypes surrounding mental health.
“I’m not thinking about taking my life at the moment but I know that if I didn’t look after myself in the right way, it’s something I could go back to,” adds Ranganathan. “Having suicidal thoughts is a bit like being an ex-smoker and knowing you can have a cigarette. There’s always a danger that you can go back. It’s never going to completely go.”
Ranganathan now credits exercise and his friend and Wolf and Owl podcast host Tom Davis for improving his mood. “What’s good about that is knowing this isn’t some ethereal, weird thing that’s causing this problem. I can fix it. That’s a good place to be,” he says.
Ranganathan took over from Claudia Winkleman’s popular Radio 2 slot earlier this year but promised listeners that he would not be “revolutionising Radio 2”.
Ranganathan also stars in his BBC sitcom Avoidance and hosts BBC Two quiz showThe Weakest Link as well as A League of Their Own on Sky.
If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.
If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.