The retreat is tech- and alcohol-free, so people are forced to sit with their feelings instead of numbing them. Haddon has detailed its practices in Finding Your Self at The Heartbreak Hotel, explaining: “The main thing we do is to help women re-narrate their stories, often from childhood, to show them they are enough. And they always were. We find that women feel 79 percent more empowered afterwards, not because the heartbreak has gone away, but because we’ve changed their perspective on it.”
A changed perspective is exactly what shifted my own thinking. For months, I fell asleep every night listening to self-love affirmations by Louise Hay, reminding myself of my worth. I refused to let myself fall into narratives about how he hadn’t chosen me. Instead, with the help of Instagram relationship coaches like Jillian Turecki, my mantra became “He’s not available. I am enough.”
I decided not to drink or date until I was truly healed, instead leaning into self-care and holistic treatments, like those offered by Vickie Biggs. She combines massage, reiki and aromatherapy to help heal grief. “Often, people are missing touch and want to be held,” she explains. “The power of informed touch releases oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine, which lower cortisol.”
But it was her energetic healing—using reiki, crystals and bespoke oils, like rose, which promotes self-love, and frankincense, which helps reduce anxiety—that brought me a sense of peace and hope. It’s why she’s seen a huge rise in clients turning to holistic treatments after breakups. “They offer a non-verbal way to process big feelings in a loving and safe space,” she says.