Raise your hand if you had “Costco Guy” A.J. performing on a major wrestling promotion’s pay-per-view in 2024 on your bingo card.
::checks card::
Nope? Me neither!
That doesn’t mean I am not incredibly intrigued by how Big Boom A.J.’s match against QT Marshall at Full Gear will go this Saturday. Is it a complete gimmick? Yes. Is it going to be on anyone’s match of the year pick? No. But neither of those things mean it shouldn’t be taking place anyway.
Pro wrestling operates in this beautiful realm where you can get Kyle Fletcher vs. Will Ospreay (already calling this is going to be a complete banger Saturday) and A.J. vs. Marshall on the same card. As of this writing, A.J. Befumo has 2.3 million followers on TikTok — it’s just as likely there’ll be as many people talking about the Double Chunk Chocolate Chokeslam (You can use this if you’d like, A.J.) as there will be talking about Fletcher vs. Ospreay.
Anyway, in honor of AEW becoming part of the Costco-verse, we’re handing out Booms (💥) and Dooms (💀) for tonight’s “AEW Dynamite” show.
Buying in bulk
Ah, the rare triple pun.
Of course, this being the Costco show, the buying in bulk reference should be pretty clear at its most basic level. Dig a little deeper and you’ll discover it’s a reference to the All-Star eight-man tag match that opened the show featuring Ricochet, Powerhouse Hobbs, Mark Davis and Will Ospreay against the Don Callis Family (Lance Archer, Brian Cage, Konosuke Takeshita and Kyle Fletcher).
(Dive even further and you’ll realize it’s a play on Cage, Archer, Hobbs and Davis being men of massive size. Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all weekend.)
Once we got past the chaotic start and Ricochet getting absolutely annihilated in the opening stages, this match really turned up the heat. We lost Hobbs for a good deal of the match after his knee got kayfabe injured in the steel steps, but he eventually returned as Powerhouse Hobbled and went toe-to-toe with both Archer and Cage.
Speaking of Archer and Cage, they stole the show here — which is extra impressive considering the overall level of talent in this match. Their tandem offense was truly inventive and I want them to make a run at the AEW Tag Team Championships sooner rather than later.
Thoughts and prayers to Mark Davis, who had to eat the pin in his first match back in more than a year, but it was the most logical outcome here.
This match gets a big 💥.
We’re going to go express lane-style here with how we rate the various promos from Dynamite — 12 words or less and a boom or doom.
Death Riders/Darby Allin: Jon Moxley plays mind games, sets the stage for two matches — 💥
Adam Cole/Kyle O’Reilly: Felt too scripted from O’Reilly, Cole has to turn at Full Gear — 💀
Orange Cassidy: Doesn’t want any help, strong character work from a Pillar — 💥
Mariah May: AEW’s best all-around female performer shows why she’s the champ — 💥
Private Party/Costco Guys: The Rizzler will be at Full Gear. This is not a drill — 💀
MJF/Roderick Strong: MJF gives a history lesson, Strong is very tired — MJF 💥; Strong 💀
Jamie Hayter/Julia Hart: AEW’s version of “Hunger Games: Catching Fire” is heating up — 💥
Daniel Garcia/Jack Perry: Tonight’s best promo, Scapegoat bus will need some work — 💥
Statlander stands tall — for now
Kris Statlander and Hikaru Shida put on a very good match (💥), and special congratulations goes to Shida, for whom Wednesday night’s contest was her 100th with AEW (81-19 record). The action was smooth and diverse, despite not having the same level of pace many other AEW bouts have.
Statlander won and that drew out Mercedes Moné and Kamille. Moné took a shot at the Sixers (cheap heat anyone?) in a lackluster promo (💀), and sent an already injured Kamille in to attack Statlander and Shida. That went about as well as Philly’s season so far, and the segment ended with Statlander taking out Moné, standing over her holding the TBS Championship.
I do think it’s time for Statlander to regain the TBS Championship and possibly let Moné move up the card a bit, but pro wrestling history suggests if you’re standing tall on the “go home” show, things probably won’t go your way at the pay-per-view.
Lashley loses his luster
First off, 💥 for Bobby Lashley’s suit earlier in the show.
Attire aside, I did not love how this all played out. First off, I wouldn’t have booked Lashley to wrestle. We know who he is, we know his credentials and we know how dangerous he could be. A two vs. one handicap match against Joe Keys and Cheeseburger (these are real names) won’t make him any more credible than he already is.
Plus, the squash match came after Lashley and the Hurt Syndicate were attacked in the parking lot by a chain-wielding Swerve Strickland, taking away from the actually good sneak attack from Strickland later on in the night when he emerged from under the ring. We didn’t need the arrival segment and didn’t need the squash match. Less would have been more here, and for that I’m giving it a 💀.
MVB of the night (Most Valuable Boom 💥)
I’m pretty good at staying on brand here, no?
Claudio Castagnoli is an unreal athlete. Full stop.
There aren’t many people on this planet who can do the things he does in the ring, and that was on full display Wednesday in potentially the TV match of the year against Darby Allin.
By the way, Allin is no slouch, and in addition to taking a beating like no other, he has some of the most innovative and entertaining offense in professional wrestling today.
I’m going to take my advice from above (less is more) and leave it at this: Watch this match however you can this week. You won’t be disappointed.
Eat your heart out, Scorsese
If you’ve seen “Goodfellas” or almost any Scorsese film, you know the single-take camera shot is one of his staples. We got basically the same thing for the Chris Jericho vs. Tomohiro Ishii contract signing.
Contract signings generally play out the same way in pro wrestling (read: they go horribly wrong), so this was a fun twist that differentiated it. Ishii probably has no shot against Jericho, but we’ll enjoy the ride and give this segment a 💥.
(By the way, Mark Briscoe still gets the biggest pop of anyone involved here. Get the ROH title back on him ASAP, please.)
Mox’s masterpiece
The main event between Orange Cassidy and Wheeler Yuta was fine, and if we’re being honest, it was probably the worst match on Wednesday night’s show (not a bad thing!).
But what happened after was absolute perfection.
Cassidy telling The Conglomeration not to come out and help him if attacked all but ensured the Death Riders would strike — and they did. Moxley’s whole character right now is built around being a twisted messiah for AEW, molding it into his own company because he hates what it has become.
That’s what made the Death Riders duct taping Cassidy’s arms with his hands in his pockets so beautiful. This is next-level storytelling we’re seeing, all around. Even Cassidy doing his soft kicks in defiance was such a great touch before he got knocked out by Moxley. AND THEN HE GOT UP AND PUT HIS HANDS IN HIS POCKETS AGAIN!
Look, there’s an almost 0% chance Cassidy wins at Full Gear and that’s OK, but the work all parties here did to close the show is exactly what you want from a “go-home” show. I’m infinitely more excited about Full Gear’s main event after Wednesday, and you should be too.
💥 to close things out.
The final tally: 12 💥, 5 💀
(Crowns will be back next week, I promise.)