My husband and I were each married before. His only daughter is getting married in the spring. It should be a time of rejoicing, but I’ve already got butterflies about seeing his first wife at the wedding.
I’ve only met her once and she was extremely cutting. Perhaps I should confess here that I was partly responsible for their marriage breaking up, although my husband always said that their relationship had never been happy. He insists that I shouldn’t worry and that it’s “water under the bridge”.
However, although all of this happened 12 years ago, she clearly feels upset. I’ve gathered this from some of the remarks that his daughter has made. It would be easier if my predecessor had remarried but she hasn’t had a relationship since the divorce.
The irony is that if I were in her place, I know I would resent the woman who “went off” with her husband, even though it wasn’t as simple as that. Part of me wants to sit down with her before the wedding and try to be friends with her. After all, we both have the bride’s interests at heart. However, when I suggested this to a friend, who’s been through a similar situation, she thought it might stir up arguments. She might well be right.
I’m worried about practical details too, like the seating plans. My husband is adamant that I should be next to him on the top table as his wife but my stepdaughter wants her mother to be there instead. I’ve told them that I don’t mind where I sit and that the wedding is more important. But no one seems to be listening to me.
The worst thing is that the tension is causing a great deal of friction in my marriage. My husband and I never used to argue before. His daughter has picked up on this and I’m quite sure that she will report back on this to my “rival”, who will no doubt be thrilled.
I’m also fretting about what I’m going to wear. I don’t want to outshine her – after all, she’s the mother of the bride and not me. Yet at the same time, why should I dress down?
Another thing I’m dreading is the looks from wedding guests who knew my husband and his ex-wife years ago when they were a couple. Why is it that a woman always gets blamed for a break-up?
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I feel like saying it would be better if I didn’t even go to the wedding. Perhaps I should plead an illness on the day. It might save a lot of trouble for everyone. Yet I suspect no one would believe me. Besides, it would make me look like the guilty party.
Forget “for better, for worse”. I’ve got a feeling that all this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better…