Used to living in a bubble, flattered by some and questioned by others, Andy Carroll went to France in search of becoming a normal person again. Now, in Bordeaux, he walks with his children, goes out to dinner without having to disguise himself, talks to his neighbours as one of them and nobody interferes in his private life.
“In France I live a much easier, simpler life,” he says.
“People recognise me in the street but respect me. That’s key to my happiness. I can go back to being Andy, the boy from the north of England. Not the Premier League star I was, if I ever was. It would be unfair to say that popularity has taken more from me than it has given me, but sometimes it’s hard to manage those situations. Fame has its dark sides,” he reflects in this exclusive interview in The Independent.
Much more mature as he approaches 36, Carroll is clear about his priorities. “I still love football like on the first day because it keeps me alive. It’s been my dream since the first time I saw a match. I know the end is coming, and the more it does, the more I try to enjoy it. I value every minute I play or train.”
However, he is clear that he still has years left in his career: “I hope to make it to 40,” he says with a smile, convinced that he has made good decisions in recent years.
“I have never let money be the main reason I played football. Especially not now, when it costs me more in rent than my salary,” he admits.
Despite having dizzying offers from Saudi Arabia last summer, Carroll wanted to stay close to his children and commit to a project in which he would feel important and be able to help. Bordeaux, six times champions of France, were plunged into administration in the summer and have started anew in the fourth tier.
“I certainly feel very much in tune with Bordeaux. Even if it is in the fourth division, the club is now going to try to regain its greatness and in my case I have never given up. We have a lot of things in common, and subconsciously that probably also attracted me to wear this shirt.
“We are together, nobody talks about me because of what I have been or done in the past. They treat me as just another person, someone who does his job like everyone else. There are no egos here, no different groups.
“It was much more in line with what I was looking for at this point in my life.”
It is not surprising that he seeks peace after a career marked by expectations, pressure, criticism and premature success. Almost unexpectedly, on 31 January 2011, he had his last training session with Newcastle and was told not to return the next day because he was leaving for Liverpool. He was, at the time, the most expensive British signing in history.
“I signed for Liverpool when I was injured. And I did it at a time when I didn’t really want to go. I was close to renewing with Newcastle,” Carroll remembers. “It was difficult. I had physical problems, I was very young, only 21. I think if I had gone to Liverpool a few years later, more mature, things would have been better for me. It was the first time I left home, my head was all over the place. It didn’t work out the way I thought it would. Maybe I wasn’t good enough. Maybe I wasn’t mature enough.”
Reflecting on his past from the beautiful garden of his home in Bordeaux, Carroll makes no secret of the fact that Newcastle was the place where he was happiest. Perhaps because no one feels better than at home.
“Wearing the No. 9 and scoring at St James’ Park is indescribable, whether you ask a child or an adult. We’ve all grown up with that dream. To make it happen and represent my club was an honour.”
Especially for someone who as a child went to the stadium alone because his parents could not afford to buy more than one season ticket. In those early days, cheering on Alan Shearer, he began to imagine his future: “I grew up watching him play, scoring goals and where he took Newcastle. Also how he was able to adapt his game tactically, how he overcame all the injuries he suffered to stay important. He is a legend.”
Carroll returned to Newcastle in 2019 with the intention of retiring at the club of his life, but things didn’t go as he had hoped. Covid, empty stadiums and the team’s poor play thwarted his days at St James’ Park, which ended in the worst way. No one at the club offered him a renewal.
“It was hard to accept because, in the last game of the season against Fulham, I spoke to Steve Bruce and he said he would call me the week after to sign a new contract. I didn’t hear from him or see him again until he signed for West Brom. If only out of respect, I was expecting a call, a message from someone at the club, but it didn’t come. It was frustrating.”
Carroll’s last years in England were a torment. A “nightmare”, in his own words. The media and fans accused him of being a bad professional, someone who didn’t take enough care of himself for the elite. “I fell out of love with everything. I was very depressed. I wouldn’t go out of the house, I had to wear a hat if I did. I hated everything and everybody. Everywhere I went they would look down on me, telling me I should retire because I was taking the money, when I was trying everything to come back. Only the operations didn’t go well,” he recalls.
At the time, the idea of quitting was real. Carroll came close to giving up what he loves to do most in life: playing football. But then, thanks to professional help, he found a way out. The option of playing for Amiens in France came up and, after a season in which he did not play as much as he wanted in the second division, the road led him to Bordeaux.
In five games in the Championnat National 2 this season he has already scored six goals. He is proud to be where he is, happy to have followed his instincts, and intends to remain “the kid who kicked the ball around at Gateshead”.