The latest series of ITV’s revamped Big Brother launched on Sunday night, and it would be fair to say there was a certain amount of excitement in the air.
Will Best was very excited and had developed a nasty case of “I can’t wait” syndrome. His co-host AJ Odudo was also very excited and appeared to be grappling with a heavy bout of “You don’t want to miss this” fever.
As for the new intake of housemates? Well, you didn’t have to wait too long to find out how excited they were. The first one through the doors, a tea-addicted dental admin assistant called Rosie, surely broke the world record for the most times a person could say “Oh my God!” in the space of one minute. To be fair, Rosie had warned us that “some people find me annoying” so at least we can say she was being true to herself.
The hysteria barely dipped from that moment on, hitting a new peak with the arrival of the 16th and final housemate, 35-year-old London barber Dean, who breathlessly declared, “I’ve wanted to be in Big Brother since the age of 11.”
Your response to that revelation probably says a lot about your general attitude to Big Brother. If you’re thinking “Man, what a sad waste of a life” then this show is definitely not for you.
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However, if you are delighted to see that a young man’s dreams have come true or if you yourself have been harbouring that same dream for years then I’m sure ITV would like to see more of you over the next six weeks.
Then again, given that the ITV schedulers couldn’t even be bothered to show the launch night on the main channel this year, perhaps they aren’t too fussed whether anyone tunes in or not.
Given how drastically the viewing figures fell off last year following that initial burst of nostalgia-fuelled enthusiasm which saw launch night pull in almost 4 million viewers, I can understand why ITV decided not to risk it on the main channel again.
The problem is, it means the show will have to generate its own publicity and buzz. It’s a risky strategy. No wonder then that the producers and bookers appear to have fallen back on a couple of old reality show favourites. Romance and conflict.
They’ve sent a fair few unattached people into the house, and, judging by the introduction VTs, at least two of the fellas seemed to think they were going on a dating show.
Ready and willing doesn’t necessarily mean able though. It remains to be seen whether there will be a romantic spark between any of the housemates.
However, thanks to ITV turning to the age-old trick of throwing in a bunch of polar opposites, we can be sure that sparks of another variety will fly.
Looking at the 16 contestants, it would be easy to believe the Big Brother producers simply wrote a list of the most popular arguments on social media and tailored the cast accordingly.
You only had to listen to the way the housemates identified themselves on the way in.
We’ve got a barge-dwelling climate change activist (Daze), a young Scottish guy (Nathan) who “strangely admires Nigel Farage” and “votes Tory”, a no nonsense Northern lad (Ryan) who has no time for the woke lot, a refugee from Lebanon (Khaled), a devout Christian (Segun), a proud Muslim (Hanah), a 53-year-old mummy figure from Manchester (Emma) who wears padded knickers and twice played a nurse in Coronation Street, and a later-life lesbian (Ali) who works as a forensic psychologist and has already vowed to analyse her fellow housemates.
I feel it’s also important to mention that there’s a rapper from London (Marcello) who, despite being a 34-year-old adult, was happy to admit that he grew up hero-worshipping Peter Andre. I’m not sure not sure whether that will lead to any tension in the house though – well, unless someone challenges him to name another Peter Andre song apart from Mysterious Girl.
ITV will no doubt also be hoping that Nathan will spill a few headline-grabbing royal secrets gleaned from the days he spent butlering for King Charles.
Sadly, given that he is only 24 years old, I’m guessing he didn’t spend that many days working in the Windsor household. In which case, I very much doubt we’ve got another Paul Burrell on our hands. Still, I guess Nathan may reveal whether his new career as a pork salesman was inspired by spending time in the service of His Royal Sausage Fingers.
Anyway, just in case all those polar opposites don’t rub each other up the wrong way, the producers pulled another favourite old rabbit out of the hat on launch. They split the house in two: Housemates and non-housemates, with the latter group automatically facing the first eviction.
I have no doubt that this will produce the desired effect. In fact, it’s probably all kicking off in the house as you read this. However, the fact that they wheeled it out on opening night did leave me asking, “Seriously, is this the best you’ve got?”
Because if it is, I’m afraid there’s a real danger that at some point in the next six weeks I may decide to become a channel change activist.
Big Brother continues on ITV2 at 9pm every night.