Who’s house?
Nobody home.
The Rams threw a Monday night party that filled SoFi Stadium with celebrities, legends, pop stars … almost everything you need for a nationally televised Hollywood football bash.
The only thing missing was them.
The stage was set for the Rams to prove their championship legitimacy … yet they didn’t show.
The football world was anxiously awaiting a sizzling appearance from one of the NFL’s hottest and most exciting teams … and they took a pass.
Read more: Dolphins score on opening drive and mistake-prone Rams can never catch them
Handed the struggling Miami Dolphins on a blue-and-gold platter, the Rams fumbled the exchange, dropped the shining opportunity with a loud clang, made a total mess of the joint, and staggered away with a 23-15 loss that was as ugly as the score sounded.
“It sucks,” said guard Steve Avila.
It certainly did.
An offense devised by the great Sean McVay and engineered by the hot Matthew Stafford scored exactly zero touchdowns. It was the first time that combination has been kept out of the end zone in more than two years.
“Sloppy? Yeah,” said McVay.
An offensive line that finally was starting to make sense with the return of two starters allowed four sacks and constant pressure on Stafford, who threw one interception and averaged just five yards per completion.
“Negative plays at the wrong time,” said Stafford. “We shot ourselves in the foot a little bit.”
A smart Rams culture that rarely makes dumb mistakes committed six penalties for 64 yards, including an illegal procedure by lineman Beaux Limmer that cost them a field goal.
“Too many things that it just seemed like, we were off and we never gave ourselves a chance,” said McVay.
They were off from the very moment the game was on.
The Rams allowed the Dolphins to drive the field on the game’s first possession and score on an 18-yard jet-screen run by Malik Washington.
The Rams first play? Kyren Williams caught a backfield pass from Stafford and was immediately smothered for a 10-yard loss.
“Obviously, didn’t want to lose (10 yards) on the first play of the game … tough to play football that way,” said Stafford.
The Rams seemingly never recovered, looking nothing like the team that had rebounded from a 1-4 start to win three consecutive games and put themselves in a position to eventually take control of an inconsistent NFC West.
Thus dragged back to reality, they will spend the rest of the week at 4-5, trailing the Arizona Cardinals and San Francisco 49ers with games remaining against both plus the Philadelphia Eagles and Buffalo Bills on the horizon.
Translated: They’re still in the playoff hunt, but their margin for error is dwindling as fast as McVay’s voice.
“We can’t dwell on this, ‘Oh no, woe is me,’” said rookie edge rusher Jared Verse. “We have to move on.”
Good thing it’s a short week with a trip to New England awaiting this weekend. They indeed won’t have much time to ponder a game in which they had all their offensive weapons complementing their frenetic young defense, a game in which they were properly favored and should have won.
The Dolphins had lost six of their last seven games, their quarterback Tua Tagovailoa was under scrutiny for multiple concussions, and speedy receiver Tyreek Hill was playing with a torn wrist.
To not only botch this chance but also to do so without even scoring a touchdown? This scene was reminiscent of the 31-point blowout in Arizona earlier this season. Championship teams don’t stumble this badly, not twice in nine games, and you have to start wondering.
“Whatever I say is going to be an excuse,” said McVay. “We have to be better.”
Hey, except for the football, it was a pretty memorable night.
Read more: All his players say it: ‘John Robinson was hands down my all-time favorite head coach’
First, there was the appropriate moment of silence for John Robinson, the legendary former USC and Rams coach who died Monday at age 89.
Although Robinson gained more local fame as a Trojan national championship coach in 1978, he is a huge part of Rams history, coaching more Rams games than anyone — 153 — and holding the record for wins with 79 until McVay surpassed him earlier this season.
As the game progressed, the video board did what the Rams offense couldn’t do, running wild with stars.
Aaron Donald was shown leading cheers. Mookie Betts was shown leading, “Moooos.”
LeBron James was shown, and Marshall Faulk was interviewed, and the “I Can Make Your Hands Clap” group — Fitz and the Tantrums — had the stadium rocking at halftime.
The Rams defense also kept folks clapping, holding the combustible Dolphin offense to 238 yards. If the offensive line can’t keep Stafford better protection, however, and if Stafford can’t do a better job of adjusting to the blanket coverage of Cooper Kupp and Puka Nacua, this team could be in trouble.
“There wasn’t any sort of semblance of complementary football,” said McVay. “That’s where we have to be able to improve.”
Even when the Rams were good, they were bad. Christian Rozeboom intercepted Tagovailoa early in the second quarter to set them up to capture the momentum … and yet moments later they gave it back on a Williams fumble.
“One play here or there can make the difference, and we just didn’t do enough,” said Stafford, speaking of the entire team.
During his post-game press conference Stafford wore a blue baseball cap backward. On the other side was the Dodgers logo.
Yeah, after Monday night, this team needs to turn it around … again.
This story originally appeared in Los Angeles Times.