Welcoming a new baby to the family is a joyous occasion and one that is often focused around mother and child; mum needs time and attention to recover from the birth, while the baby is just getting to grips with its new surroundings.
It is extremely important that new mums get the support they need following a birth. However, something – or someone – that has been overlooked until recently is how new fathers cope with the transition to fatherhood.
According to the National Childbirth Trust, more than a third (38%) of new fathers have expressed concerns about their mental health. The NHS also refers to studies that found that up to one in 10 new fathers become depressed after having a baby.
Despite this, there is still stigma around paternal mental health and new fathers are often overlooked when it comes to post-pregnancy care.
Therapist Liam Wilson added that society’s emphasis on “traditional masculine norms” such as emotional stoicism and resilience can discourage new fathers from seeking help.
“It’s really important for dads to recognise that struggling with the transition to fatherhood is not a sign of weakness,” the clinical lead at Vita Health Group said.
“Becoming a father is life-changing, and although it can be incredibly rewarding, many dads also find it to be very difficult. Taking proactive steps to manage mental health is a vital act of self-care for dads during this time.”
Five challenges new dads face
Becoming a new parent is no easy feat. These are five things new dads should understand about one of the biggest changes in their lives:
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It’s completely normal to experience emotional distress, as fatherhood impacts social, psychological, and biological aspects of life.
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Parenting challenges such as lack of sleep, hormonal changes (yes, men experience them too), and shifting relationship dynamics can contribute to low mood and anxiety.
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Modern fathers often want, or are expected to, be more involved in childcare, which can create tension as they balance traditional roles with modern expectations.
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Feeling overwhelmed is common for new dads, particularly for those who’ve not had a positive role model themselves. Generational differences in parenting styles may limit opportunities for learning how to adapt to the expectations of modern fatherhood.
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Societal stereotypes of masculinity can discourage dads from seeking support, significantly impacting their wellbeing.
Wilson said that by raising awareness of these challenges, it is hoped that new dads will take proactive steps towards managing their mental health and to break the stigma surrounding paternal mental health.
Practical ways new dads can manage their mental health
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT is a form of talk therapy that can help people manage their issues by changing the way they think and behave.
According to Wilson, this type of therapy can benefit new dads by helping them to “reframe negative thoughts that may be contributing to anxiety or depression”.
“By identifying and reviewing these thoughts, dads can learn to respond to them in healthier ways. In addition, CBT can help to increase behaviours that reinforce more balanced thinking styles – for example, engaging in pleasurable or self-care activities.”
Practice self-compassion
You may be feeling overwhelmed by the new responsibilities, tasks and worries you take on as a new dad. It’s important to remember that becoming a new dad is a huge learning curve, and no one gets it right every time, Wilson said.
“It’s completely normal to have moments when you doubt yourself or feel like you’ve got it wrong,” he added.
“When difficult emotions surface, it’s important to reflect on the thoughts behind them. Writing these thoughts down and questioning their validity can help you to gain perspective on the situation. Approach this process with self-compassion and try to recognise that you are doing your best in a challenging situation.”
Live in line with your core values
Dealing with major changes in your life can make you feel lost and confused. Wilson suggested identifying the values that are most important to you and using these as a guide to navigating decisions.
“When faced with strong emotions, ask yourself, ‘How can I respond as the person I want to be, rather than how my negative emotions and thoughts are telling me to?’ This approach can help to encourage mindful decision-making.”
Explore your social connections
In times of need, it’s important to lean on your support network of friends and family. Staying connected with your social circle can also have a significant impact on your mood and mental health.
Wilson said: “Evaluate your social circle to understand the type of support each person can provide – emotional, practical, companionship, or motivational.
“This process can also help you to figure out if you would benefit from identifying new sources of social support. Building a robust support system can be a powerful tool for managing stressful and overwhelming experiences.”
Weigh up the pros and cons of your old and new life
According to Wilson, it’s common for new dads to idealise their life pre-parenthood when feeling overwhelmed at home.
To avoid falling into daydreaming about what your life was like before becoming a dad, he suggested reflecting objectively on the pros and cons of both life stages, as this can “help you to gain perspective”.
“For example, identifying valued aspects of past activities – such as the connection with friends rather than the activity itself – can help you find ways to integrate those values into their current life.”
He recommended asking yourself the following questions:
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What is it about the thing you lost that you valued?
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Is there a new way you can regain this value that fits into your new life as a dad?
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How could you connect with your friends in a new way – one that still brings you joy?
Wilson added: “When it comes to mental health, it’s important to put your own oxygen mask on first. Prioritising your wellbeing isn’t selfish – by managing your own mental health, you’ll be better equipped to support your family.
“If you’re struggling with your mental health, it’s important to seek professional support. Book an appointment with your GP or refer yourself to an NHS talking therapies service. Know that you are not alone and there are qualified professionals who can help you.”
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