When Jonathan Hobin and Lucas de Faria posted on their local Buy Nothing Facebook group looking for a surrogate, they didn’t really think it would connect them with a complete stranger willing to carry a child for the couple.
“We had some advice at the beginning of our search…. They said when you are ready, just scream as loud as you can, tell anyone you can that you’re looking,” said Hobin, explaining why they were willing to give social media a try.
“Someone will come out of the woodwork. An old high school friend, a cousin of a cousin, something like that.”
WATCH: A stranger offered to carry their baby after seeing a Facebook Buy Nothing post:
Their Buy Nothing post was short, asking for the gift of time to consider their request, and directed people to a longer post on their personal pages sharing their story. They were happy to see both posts shared hundreds of times, leading them to connect with a number of potential surrogates.
De Faria had the idea to post on their local Facebook Buy Nothing group to increase the reach of their story. Scarlett says that led to her seeing the couple’s second post on a friend’s wall. (Submitted by Lucas de Faria)
They interviewed several women who’d come forward, but de Faria said when they met Alison Scarlett they knew she was the one.
“As soon as we finished that Zoom call I told Jon … ‘That’s it.’ You know, we finally found our surrogate.”
‘The algorithm works in mysterious ways’
Already a mom to two boys, Scarlett says she came across the couple’s post after it was shared to one of her friend’s Facebook walls.
“I think the algorithm works in mysterious ways sometimes,” said the 45-year-old. After thinking about it for “about a week,” Scarlett said she decided to reach out.
Scarlett, right, with her two boys, 15-year-old Henry, left, nine-year-old Emmett, second from right, and her husband Bill. Scarlett says for her, becoming a surrogate involves the whole family, so they had many discussions along the way. (Submitted by Alison Scarlett)
“Deciding to carry a child again was not an easy decision,” she recalled.
“I’m not someone who loves being pregnant. But I really connected with their story and I thought a lot about myself and what family means to me and how important my family is to me.”
Hobin and de Faria said the journey to fatherhood was long, but they remained committed to each other and to their goal of parenthood. (Sarah Kester/CBC)
Hobin bounces baby Eden on the couch at their home. (Francis Deschênes/CBC)
Becoming pregnant with her ‘womb mate’
While surrogacy is legal in Canada, there are rules and regulations. Surrogates can’t accept payment, though they may be paid for medical and some other expenses related to the pregnancy. Many fertility clinics also require counselling for the surrogate to ensure they are mentally and emotionally prepared for what lies ahead.
This was the case for Scarlett, who says she underwent both psychological and medical assessments. The trio also involved lawyers to set up the agreement.
The couple faced medical and other obstacles during the process, including issues with egg donors: One moved away and another had a problem genetically. Scarlett went through one transfer but it didn’t end up being viable.
Through it all, Hobin was grateful that Scarlett stayed positive.
“[Alison] was determined that this was going to happen for us, and I don’t know how many people would have that experience with finding a surrogate,” he said.
Scarlett describes being a surrogate as one of the proudest moments of her life, and said it was a joy to be able to see parenthood through the eyes of Hobin and de Faria. (Melissa Gauthier Photography)
Scarlett said though it wasn’t always easy, becoming a surrogate is one of the things she’s most proud of.
“The journey was long — very rewarding, but it was long. I really just focused on each step of the process,” she said.
In May 2023, more than two years after they posted their request on Facebook, Hobin and de Faria got the good news they’d been waiting for: Scarlett was pregnant, and this time she carried the baby — whom she referred to as her “womb mate” or “belly buddy” — to term.
Hobin and de Faria said finally getting to hold their daughter made the long process all worth it. (Submitted by Lucas de Faria)
Eden arrived “fast and furious” on a snowy night in January. De Faria said they got to the hospital at 10 p.m. and less than an hour later their daughter was born.
“It’s almost unbelievable that it happened because … we’ve been waiting for this moment for so long,” he said of the nearly three-year process.
‘An impossibility that became possible’
For de Faria, that journey started from the moment he and Hobin crossed paths.
“When I met Jon for the first time, one of my first questions was, do you want a child?” he recalled, though growing up as a “gay boy in Brazil,” the journey to becoming a father felt like “an impossibility that became possible.”
Hobin and de Faria say Eden is an easy baby who loves to smile and laugh. (Francis Deschênes/CBC)
Hobin said he thinks the commitment they have to each other and to fatherhood is what kept them strong throughout the process.
“Because when one person feels like they want to collapse into a ball and sort of say, ‘This is too much,’ the other person rises to the occasion and sort of becomes the cheerleader,” he said.
Scarlett says over that time a friendship grew with Hobin and de Faria, and she plans to continue to be in their lives as a kind of family friend. She is also excited to watch Eden grow up.
Hobin and de Faria describe Eden as a bubbly and friendly baby who brings them total joy.
“Even with all the ups and downs and the years it took us to have her, I think this all disappeared when I had her in my arms,” de Faria said.